Opportunities

Opportunities knock, but we have to recognize them before we are able to take advantage of them. Opportunities come in different ways - career, relationships, and money among others. How about the opportunity to do something good? Is this an opportunity we look for?

I was given such opportunity this afternoon. As I was standing in line to pick up some prescription medicine, I could not help hearing the conversation between the clerk and the old man ahead of me. The clerk scanned about 4 or 5 medicines for him and asked him for his co-payment. The old man motioned to the medicare card he handed to her but the clerk said she got that, but he still needed to pay a certain amount on top of what the card covered. The old man opened his wallet and told the clerk he did not have money - and they went through the same conversation about three times. Finally, the old man said he will come back. I avoided his eyes as he passed by me - my attempt to save him his pride.

The clerk called me, and after I paid for my prescriptions, I asked if I could pay for what the old man owed. She was surprised, gave me a big smile and asked if I was sure. I told her I was, and asked that she not mention anything to the old man when he returns, and just give him his medicines.

And so I paid, and on my way out, I saw the old man coming in with money in his hands. I did not wait to see what happened next. I headed for my car and as I drove away, I saw the old man come out with a little puzzled look on his face.

As for me, there was a gnawing sensation that was quite hard to describe. I stopped in the parking lot and closed my eyes and suddenly I was tearing up. It may have not mattered much to the old man, but it did to me. I was given an opportunity to give, and give I did. It may not be much, but it is seizing the moment and recognizing the opportunity, and hoping my eyes and my heart are always on the look out.

As the year comes to a close in a few hours, I think of all the blessings that have come my way. I think of all the people who have come and gone in my life - those who enriched me with their presence and those who made my life better with their absence. I think of all the pains - of the body and of the heart - that remind me of my own weaknesses and imperfections - of my dependence on the One who provides all - the One who gives and takes away - the One who generously provides opportunities, disguised in many ways, so we can get closer to Him through the creatures made in His likeness - and I give Him thanks.

2011 is knocking. I pray that we all seize the opportunities that are to come our way.

HAPPY NEW YEAR!

The Madness of Christmas Eve 2010

The day started out rather well. It was a crisp bright morning and I was up at 6:50 to get ready for the day. I had an 8am appointment with my car mechanic in Winnetka so I figured I'll leave the house at 7:30 to get there at the appointed time.

So I washed my face, brushed my teeth and got ready. As I was getting dressed, I went for a long-sleeved shirt under my hoodie, a pair of thick sweat pants and a pair of comfy running shoes to stay warm.

I got to David's shop at around 7:50 and he was already there. I gave him the key to my car, told him what to do and I walked over to the next block to have breakfast at the Filipino Restaurant. I met three strangers along the short walk, greeted them all with "Good morning and Merry Christmas" and all of they returned the greetings. What a great start!

I got my fried rice, bangus (milk fish) and longanisa - your typical Filipino breakfast - and seated myself in front of the TV which was broadcasting a Christmas show live from Manila. I promptly ate my meal, watched a bit and tried to write a few lines to a friend but with all the distractions - and maybe even with the "wrong" pen, I could not go past "Dear.." so I stopped, and left.

I walked over to the 7-11 to get coffee. I spoke with two other customers, one of which was a 5-year-old (or so) kid who I kidded about losing his tongue. Everyone seemed to be in a wonderful spirit.

As I headed back to my mechanic, I smiled as this promises to be a wonderful day. And it was! Within a few minutes, my car was done and I paid half of what I was quoted by the dealer for the same services. I did a couple of errands and stopped by my office to drop something off. By now, I was ready to take off my layers of clothes as it had gotten warmer.

Then the madness began. Lita had asked me to pick up some bibingka and pancit malabon from Manila Sunset. We thought that since I was to get only a small order, it should be a breeze. Wrong! I got to the store and there was a long line. I got in line and when it was my turn, I was informed that unless I had pre-ordered, there was nothing available for me to buy. Filipinos were in a mad-dash for their Noche Buena feasts. I went to two more Filipino restaurant/stores before I had to settle for something close to what I really wanted. Noche Buena food purchased, I went on to other errands at the Filipino grocery store where I saw friends and church folks, exchanged Christmas wishes, then headed home, had a late lunch and changed from the thick hoodie and sweat pants to capri shorts, sleeveless shirt, a light sweater and a pair of flip-flops.

Since it was mid-afternoon, I told Lita I'd have the cars cleaned. I went to the car-wash and as I was clearing the stuff from my car, I saw the present that I was to give the mail carrier. Feeling pretty merry, I decided to give it to the guy who writes the car-wash tickets. He was surprised, but was really happy. I told him that I only wanted the regular wash, but he said he will give me a free fragrance. Not bad, I thought. So I went to pay and waited for them to finish cleaning the car. To my surprise, I saw them putting armor-all in my tires! Another bonus for a gift freely given! The CR-V smelled good and looked spiffy!

I went back to the car wash with the Montero. Someone hit it in the parking lot at the university and there was a long white-mark on the passenger side doors. Lita had already asked him how much it would cost to take the mark out and he had quoted her about $100 for it a month ago. Now, I asked him how much it would be and he told me to just buy him lunch and he will take care of it. We went to the detail room, got a piece of cloth and some chemical and started cleaning out the white mark. In a few minutes, it was gone! The car got washed, with fragrance and armor-all - just with lunch and regular car-wash fee! It felt good because I gave him the gift not expecting anything but maybe a "thank you".

More and more, I realize how much we get rewarded for genuine magnanimity. When they said God could not be outdone with His generosity, they were not kidding!

And so food was ready, cars cleaned, I next tackled the laundry that I started a week ago. I had a couple more loads and so I went about doing them. While waiting, and since there was still some natural light, I set up my trusted sewing machine and repaired three pairs of pants that had rips on them. I can't believe how domesticated I have become! Nanay would have not believed what I can do now! I think most of her prayers have been answered! If she can only see me now...

So the rest of the day was spent dealing with mundane tasks - what I call my "squeaky doors" and getting them off my unwritten to do list. As we prepare for the midnight services, I feel wonderful and lighter and ready to meet the newborn babe that gave us hope for salvation.

Merry Christmas! Maligayang Pasko! Feliz Navidad!

Forgiveness

They say be careful what you ask for – you may actually get it. Well, that was true for me. As a former Confirmation teacher to teenagers, I used to give my students homeworks that made them think and most of them turn in pages that I had to read. At the start of every cycle I would tell them three things I will make them do in class: think, write and speak. I got what I asked for, but who had more homework now?

But I am humbled by the fact that my students trusted me with their innermost thoughts. Although we did not discuss things they wrote in class unless they want to, I got to know how they think that enabled me to deal with these young people better.

Our lesson for that day was about relationships and forgiveness. I asked them to write about their best or worst relationships and why. The essays I received were very interesting and the discussion we had was quite revealing. We talked about trust, betrayal, pain, sins, friendships, enemies, siblings, parents and many other things that had anything to do with relationships.

We discussed the fact that everyone sin – how we all make mistakes, say stupid things and hurt even the people we honestly love. If the mistake was done to us, we hurt and feel betrayed. In many cases, relationships end there. In some instances, if the people involved truly cared about each other, they start over and try to patch things up.

We have to accept the fact that we are all capable of making mistakes, of sinning, of hurting people. The other fact is, we hurt as much when we sin. The guilt can truly be burdensome, and painful. But if we are truly contrite, things can be worked out. Forgiveness can be attained. Relationships can be restored and happiness could be achieved.

I spoke about St. Paul whose job it was to kill Christians. He was one of the biggest sinners, and yet after Jesus appeared to him, he asked for forgiveness and became the greatest evangelist of all time. Our God is a forgiving God. All we have to do is repent and be truly penitent.

Our relationship with God is hinged on our relationships with our fellow human beings. We can pray all day and all night, but if we are not willing to ask for forgiveness from people we have wronged, and if we are not able to forgive those who wronged us, that relationship with God will remain shallow.

Forgiveness is grace given to hearts that are empty and open for God to come in and fill it with love. It is only through love and in love that our hearts open - but then again, isn't that what God is? Love?

He Smiled at Me!

Gifts in their simplest form can warm the heart in an amazing fashion. I had a wonderful surprise today.

Every third Sunday of the month, I serve at the 6:30 am Mass. This is a special Mass for me. I love the people who come to this service where I get to proclaim the scriptures and lead the congregation in singing the Psalms. My voice is not great, but it is powerful enough to lead in singing. One of the gifts I have been trusted with is my ability to share my enthusiasm in whatever I am doing. When proclaiming the Word and when singing the Psalms during Mass, I do so with gusto.

The collection of people who attend this service is quite eclectic. Most are older people, a good number are folks who work in hospitals (I can tell by their uniforms) and a sprinkling of couples and young people with their parents. Most of them seem happy when they see me enter the sanctuary as they know the Psalms will be sung.

There is this couple who is always there every week. The wife likes me and she always tells me how she enjoys the service whenever I am there, but the husband barely looks at me and won't give me the time of day. I did not really mind as he was one of those cantankerous old men who do not want to be bothered with and I just let it be.

Three Thursdays ago, their prayer group was having their Christmas party in the parish center. I saw them singing Christmas carols and I so wanted to join in, but I had to do an errand so I went about doing so. When I came back, I saw them eating a sumptous feast and they were now listening to some music from the CD player. In my audacity, I went (crashed) in, turned the CD player off, borrowed the guitar that was there and told them I was going to sing to them.

And so I sang old Filipino Christmas carols and to my surprise, the words came back, my fingers hit the right chords (that I have not played in years) and before I knew it, they were either singing with me or gazing at me with twinkles in their eyes as I reminded them of home. As I sang this one song of a cold breeze and warm hearts and of the sounds, smells and feelings of Christmas in the Philippines, the room fell silent and they all joined me as we harmonized in that soft beautiful melody.

This old man was looking at me all this time and probably did not know what to make of me. Being used to seeing him with this very stoic and expressionless face, I thought nothing of it and of him. What mattered to me was I made some people happy. As my fingers and voice got raw, I stopped and thanked them for indulging me. The folks hugged me and thanked me for "serenading" them and they made sure I stuffed myself with their feast. That was one lovely evening and I had so much fun.

But this morning brought in my surprise. As the priest celebrant told us to greet each other and wish each other peace, I looked at their direction. His wife, as always, blew me a kiss. I involuntarily glanced at him and and when our eyes met, he gave me the sweetest smile I have ever seen.

He smiled at me and it just made my heart leap with joy.

That just made my day.

Choices

Choices are hard - especially when we have to make them. It was easier when someone else made them for us as kids. But we grew up, we found out we can make choices and we started to, felt empowered and thought it was good - until we realized choices came with strings - responsibilities and consequences.

But that's another story. There are other things we make choices about - like how to react to people, situations and emotions. That's where I am today.

I thought about the melancholy that engulfed me yesterday. It was not a choice. It was the culmination of different emotions that suddenly collided and had to be dealt with - Barb's bout with breast cancer, my own niece's death from the same cancer this year, and the 20th anniversary of my brother's death from side-effects of radiation from cancer treatment. It is amazing how one's emotions could affect one's physiology. I did not realize until after we parted how much Barb's situation affected me. It reminded me of emotions I have not processed because of logistics that needed to be taken care of at the time, and I was the one to do them. I have not cried enough for my niece and brother. I grieve for them. I mourn them. I miss them. I love them.

I chose to have a good day today. I still have some shards of sadness but even the damp, cloudy and seemingly gloomy day will not make me go into the same tailspin I experienced yesterday. Even if I will be attending a funeral service for someone at noon today. My choice is to have a good day, no matter what.

NOTE: The Kokanee Salmon make no choices. They follow their destiny as is written by the one who created us all. The picture is of the Kokanee Salmon Run at Taylor Creek in Lake Tahoe. See these links for more information about the Kokanee Salmon Spawning season: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lLm1zm_nnn8. http://kidsgowest.com/2010/09/20/spawning-kokanee-salmon-at-lake-tahoe/

A Voice from the Past

Anita is a classmate from high school. She found me in Facebook and started to communicate with me through email and today - by phone. We will get together soon and she promised to prepare sushi for me as we catch up with each other's lives.

We last saw each other in 1972 - a lifetime ago. Although we were in the same class, we were not close. She was friends with a cousin who was in also in our class. However, we knew each other pretty well then - and have spent casual time with each other.

As we talked on the phone, memories started to flood back and I remember - her voice - her quick pragmatic - straight to the point way of speaking - except now she is speaking in English more than in Tagalog. Years of working with non-Filipinos does that to you.

In our not-so-short conversation, she had told me of how difficult life was, of a cheating husband with whom she separated twice - ah yes, she did give him a second chance, and from whom she in now "happily divorced". How she never finished college because of poverty both in the Philippines and when they arrived here in the US - with a philandering husband and three children - and how she did all kinds of jobs - at one point having four jobs at the same time - just to survive and support her kids.

She went to culinary school and became a chef (that's why I look forward to her sushi) among other things, and her life is now much better financially and emotionally. All her children are done with college and are all financially stable as well, thanks to her example. She still works, probably less than before - and spends time with her grandkid. She went through a lot and I probably heard only half of her story and I look forward to hearing more.

Something she said made me think. She mentioned how my voice and the way I speak seem to be mellow - there is a change, she said but she could not put her finger on what it is exactly. I told her it may have been that I have had a lot of practice in public speaking. She said no, that I have always done that in school and I was good even then. There was something else, she said.

I want to think that I have learned to listen more and talk less. That the words I use are not sharp and tart, but are soothing and yes, mellow. I want to hope that how I speak reflects my struggles to be a better person and a better Christian. It could also be that I am just reading a lot more into this that there is to it. I don't know.

But then there is that possibility that I may have really changed - and if I did, I just hope for the better.
St. Francis of Assisi told his followers: "Preach the Gospel at all times, and when necessary, use words. " Could it be that I am learning how to do this by listening?