The Grace of Giving and Receiving

There is grace in giving. There is an even greater grace in receiving. The interesting thing is many people do not quite know and understand that the grace of giving and receiving are inter-related.

I know of someone who was given a couple of small items for Christmas. One was a pair of hair clips with little Christmas trees on them and the other was a small Christmas tree ornament with cats in them because she (the receiver) likes cats. Both items were very inexpensive, but the giver chose them carefully before buying them hoping that they would make her eyes sparkle.

When she received the clips, she looked happy at first but decided she didn’t like them so she gave them back. As with the ornament, she said she had no Christmas tree so she did not have anything to put it on. Taken at face value, the act may seem offensive and insensitive, but was it?

The fact is she was not trying to offend. It was not the price or value of the presents either. She is "practical" and unless she has use of things, she did not want them, and she had no qualms in letting her giver know. The irony is, this is also a woman who likes to give small things and tokens to folks she likes. She generously gives, but she does not quite know how to receive.

There are a number of people like her – a little naïve and a little insensitive without meaning to be. If only there was a bit more of grace.....

What is grace? Let me tell you a couple of stories:

Dr. Juan Flavier was a doctor to the barrios in the boondocks of the Philippines before he became a respected senator. His patients gave him eggs, chickens, vegetables and other produce and livestock because they did not have cash. They gave this country doctor the work of their hands, the sweat of their brow – which are more precious than what actual cash represents. With grace, he received what he was given. And so, Dr. Flavier stayed with them and helped these simple folks improve their livelihood through developing farming techniques and instituting rural reconstruction. In return, he earned their love, respect and trust, and he learned their small town wisdom. That is grace, taken and given back.

When John came back from Israel, he gave me three things, and explained to me the significance of each. The first one was a piece of stone. He said it was always said that every stone in Jerusalem was historical. He got me my very own piece of history. The second item was a coin. He said he was not sure if it was authentic or not, but at the very least, it was a replica of an old roman coin. The third item was a mug from a local artist who is a member of the Jerusalem Artisan group. He knew I appreciate art and loved coffee, so what better? My eyes glowed with appreciation and gratitude as he put down each item on my desk and explained what they represent. It was not the items per se that mattered. It was the thought that made the things given to me invaluable, and that’s what really mattered. Another grace, thoughtfully given, eagerly received and graciously shared.

As another friend - Dimples - put it: as he gave away things that belonged to him, he gave away a part of himself. The same is true for most of us. When we give something, we give of ourselves in the most personal way.

As generous as we are as givers, how are we as receivers? How many times have we shown disappointment, dismay, or even downright disgust when we get something that is less than what we expect or something we don’t need? How many times have we put material value ahead of the essence of the gift? How many times have we given priority to our own feelings or beliefs ahead of the other person’s thoughtfulness?

To this day, one of the best gifts I have ever received is a kiss from a homeless man after we gave him a bowl of soup one cold Christmas morning.

Christmas is the season of giving and receiving. The truth is it is in receiving that we actually give back.

How are you at giving back?

Please accept my humble and warm wishes during this Holy Season of peace, joy and love.

I gladly and graciously accept your good thoughts in return.

I Love You

Last week I posted "Do You Love Me?" in my blog but for some reason, I did not email anyone about it. I did not feel it was quite complete. Today, as I was contemplating on it, I realized I should have written "I Love You" first, before asking "Do You Love Me?"

I think the best description of love is found in 1 Corinthians 13. Almost every wedding I attended chose this as one of the readings. Not only is it beautifully written. It also describes what true love really is. I want to quote it here:

If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal. And if I have prophetic powers, and understand all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have all faith, so as to remove mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. If I give away all I have, and if I deliver up my body to be burned, but have not love, I gain nothing.

Love is patient and kind;
love does not envy or boast;
it is not arrogant or rude.
It does not insist on its own way;
it is not irritable or resentful;
it does not rejoice at wrongdoing,
but rejoices with the truth.
Love bears all things, believes all things,
hopes all things, endures all things.

Love never ends.

As for prophecies, they will pass away; as for tongues, they will cease; as for knowledge, it will pass away. For we know in part and we prophesy in part, but when the perfect comes, the partial will pass away.

So now faith, hope, and love abide; but the greatest of these is love.

I love you - three little words often spoken, but somehow often misspoken and not fully understood. In Martin Buber's poem "I and Thou" my favorite line is "I love you not for what you are but for what I am when I am with you." Love transforms us. True love makes us better persons.

In his homily this past Wednesday night, Fr. Wharren talked about the miracle of loaves and fishes -- the feeding of thousands. He said the scholars have two schools of thoughts in this miracle - one is that Jesus actually performed the miracle and multiplied the loaves and fishes; the other is that Jesus, performed a miracle through sharing his true love that the people on that mountain felt and with hearts filled with love, they shared their own loaves and fishes with everyone else, enabling everyone to eat and still have loads of leftovers after everyone had their fill. They were transformed, at least at that moment and time, by love - true and unconditional love. I think I like the second school of thoughts better. It makes sense. Love makes us generous.

I love you. When was the last time you looked at a person and felt the love from within you? When did you last tell someone you love them and felt your skin pores explode with goose bumps? When did you last tell someone you love them and tears swell from your eyes because of the overpowering affection you have for them? I really hope this happens to you often, if not everyday.

I love you. We love in different ways, at different degrees, for different reasons, at different times, but our hearts are always in love. All our hearts are big enough and are capable of loving a lot more people than those we currently have in our lives, if only we want to, if only we leave our hearts open. If only we don't require conditions.

I love you. We don't need to be next to a person to show them our love. Love can be felt despite the distance. I miss my siblings so much, the thought of them bring tears to my eyes - tears of longing to be with family, tears of love. In my sister's last IM to me, she told me she loves me and how much she misses me. She also expressed their (both sisters) wish to be able to be with me as I deal with my health issues. You see, when we were young, my two sisters always looked after me. After every spanking I got from Nanay, one or both of them was/were always there to comfort me. I miss them so. I love them so.

I love you. We fall in love many times, but do we really fall out of love? If we do fall out of love, maybe it wasn't really love to begin with. When we feel the pitter-patter in our hearts, the sweat in our palms, the longing in our eyes, are we really in love? Are we able to distinguish between true love and our hormonal and human desires? Love is beyond phsyical satisfaction. After the excitement and the ecstasy, when love isn't true, our hearts remain empty, and our longing continue.

I love you. You are reading this blog because I emailed you. I emailed you because you are part of my life - be it in a small way or in a big way. You are part of my life because you were there when you were supposed to, or you are here and it was meant to be and we have made a connection. Neither of us will always be there physically, but I will always be in love with you, whether near or far, whether then or now, I love you - in the purest sense of the word.

I love you.

Picture: With my nephew and nieces - twins Justine and Joshua and their baby sister Kiara.

Do you Love Me?

One of my favorite Broadway shows is "Fiddler on the Roof." In one of the scenes, Tevye asks Golde, his wife of 25 years, "Do you love me?" and Golde asks herself, "Do I love him?" and began to think of all the things she had been doing for him since they got married. Finally she answered him, "I suppose I do," to which Tevye retorted, "I suppose I love you too." Their marriage was arranged and they went about their husband and wife duties for 25 years, but they never talked about love, until Tevye asked. That song ended with "But after twenty five years, it's nice to know."

It's always nice to know when someone loves you. Be it a spouse, family members or friends. The feeling of being loved gives a profound value to one's worth. To be loved, to be the most special person in someone's life is a gift that no one could take away. How many times have you looked at your spouse or partner or lover in disbelief that this wonderful creature loves you of all people? In the same token, have you loved anyone as much? Do you let them know? Do you tell them enough how much you love them? Do you show them how much they are loved? Do you ask them - -"Do you love me?"

Tevye waited twenty five years. We shouldn't. Every moment is important. To make someone we love happy is to make ourselves happy. All it takes are three words: I love you.

So tell your spouse or partner or lover, your children, your parents, siblings and friends how much you love them, and show them through your actions. You will be pleasantly amazed how much more love you get in return.

So, do you love me?