Kuya Ers

Note:  This is a re-post.  Kuya died in 2008.  This was inadvertently placed in a different folder. His daughter Gen wrote a comment when I first published this.  Gen herself passed away in 2010 after a couragious battle with cancer - at a tender age of 30.

Our oldest brother Kuya Erning, passed away on Friday. He was 68 years old. He died after a stroke three weeks ago. He was in the hospital for about a couple of weeks and was just released last Monday. We all thought he was okay until our niece called on Friday saying our brother has passed on.

His death is not unexpected, although it does not diminish the sadness it has brought our family. He had been sick for years and bed-ridden for sometime prior to this last stroke. One of our sisters commented to me a few months ago that Kuya seemed to have given up on life and looked like he was just waiting for the call. As a man of the world, it must have been very hard for him to be in that state - unable to take care of the most basic functions in his body.

Kuya Erning or Ers as his friends and co-workers called him, was generous to a fault. He was one of the best jeepney salesmen of the defunct Francisco Motors. He was friendly, creative, ingenious, ambitious and hardworking. He was also, like many of us, flawed.

During the heydays of Francisco Motors, Kuya was their star salesman and he made a lot of money, made a lot of fair-weathered friends who brought with them a number of unsavory influences. My brother was weak and he succumbed to the temptations.

He had 7 children, three with his wife who was his childhood sweetheart, and four with one of his tumultuous relationships. He left his family in the late 70's and lived a bohemian life, bouncing from one affair to another. His older children have been distant at best and have avoided any contacts with him.

Kuya's four younger children (with the assistance of my other siblings) took care of him. He had been frail for a long time, suffered from diabetes, failing eyesight due to diabetes, a tumor in his brain and high blood pressure. The embalmer told my sisters that many of Kuya's veins were already brittle - meaning blood has not flowed from them for a long time. Kuya must have suffered untold physical pain.

My sister Gigi and I were able to spend time with him when we visited home last year. Our brother Bennie (Canada) went home the previous year. Those are memories we will alway treasure in our hearts.

He will be buried on Tuesday after 5 days and nights of wake. Kuya Bennie, Gigi and I will not be physically there to grieve with our family, but we grieve together from a distance for the loss of a brother who is loved and treasured.

Grieving is an interesting thing. Gigi and I spent Friday together. We reminisced, we prayed and went to church. Being with each other provided a balm that helped us sort through our feelings - and the sadness that came with it.

I went about other things I had originally scheduled - my dental appointment and my class at LMU yesterday. I could stand the company of strangers, but avoided the company of friends and acquiantances, lest I will break down.

A sibling's death brings a deeply unexplainable sadness. I just need a wee bit more time alone.

I debated whether or not I should write and publish what I have written about Kuya's life - about his human frailties - about his imperfections, and I decided that facts are facts. We can color things and view them through a rose colored glass, but they are what they are. The pains, the struggles, the failures and the triumphs are real.

I would not do his life justice if I edited out the most trying time of his journey. What makes family strong is the fact that despite our differences, despite the weaknesses of some of our family members, we still love them and support them.