They All Went at the Same Time

It‘s again one of those things. As we get older, our moveable parts give way. Come to think of it, even the best maintained cars break down after a number of years. How much more with our body parts, specially the moveable parts that get used all the time?

You know how they say “Sight is the first thing to go”? Well, in my case they seem to all have gone at the same time. Okay, maybe not exactly at the same time, but they went, one right after the other.

One day, here I was so proud that I have never worn eye-glasses. Next thing I know, letters and numbers have become smaller and out of focus. I was squinting a lot or holding the material further or closer to get it to focus. I think I actually blamed a publisher for using such small fonts! So I started to use reading glasses – and really just use them for reading. Then, the street signs became blurred and it was really difficult to get to unfamiliar destinations if you can’t read the signs. So bifocals became necessary -- to see far and near. But it didn’t end there. Since I use computer at work, I also needed to see what I am working on (what a concept!) – but, the computer is neither far or near. So, my eye doctor recommended progressive lenses, without lines (for vanity) and transition lenses (since I have no patience in carrying two different glasses).

Then I started to notice that getting up from bed was a lot harder than before. Joints hurt and are stiff. It takes a lot longer to move and cramps are more frequent. I remember when getting out of the car was just a breeze. Now it takes longer, too. And so is climbing up and down the stairs. There also seems to be a lot more grunting involved. Oh, well...

The fact is, even the only part of our body that gets less usage -- our brain (maybe because it hurts to think and I feel it hurting now) also seems to be slowing down, too. When we were young and we hear our mother do a roll call before actually calling out the name of the kid she wants, we laughed. Look who is doing the roll call now! My two sisters frequently call my niece Lora with “Gigi”, our youngest sister’s name. My friend, Beau had a senior moment during Thanksgiving dinner by forgetting the name of one of our friends with whom we have been celebrating thanksgiving for over twenty years. He stood there, with mouth open in disbelief! On more occasions than I care to admit, I have found myself going to a room to get or do something only to forget what it was when I got there.

Yes, my friends…they all went at the same time.

But I am still here – able to laugh it off, albeit with a grunt, and still find meaning and purpose in life. With aging comes a lot more patience. Life experience teaches you that. Everything do not have to happen exactly how I want it, when I want it, where I want it. I learned how to let things be and to let things go. I have mellowed and I like myself better. I worry less, need less, laugh more, listen more, love more, serve more.

Maybe most body parts are slower and rusty, but I can live with that. I know what is important, and it is in my heart.

Generosity and Dimples

What has dimples got to do with generosity? I am not talking about dimples on one’s cheeks, although he has them. I am talking about Rufino Vallesteros II or for us who know him - Dimples or Biloy (dimples in Tagalog). I love this man and I will tell you why.

In my posting “Unconditional,” I spoke about giving and generosity. Compared with Dimples, I am stingy. Here’s a guy who literally gives the shirt off his back. We talked for hours after he read my posting. He explained to me why he does what he does.

First, let me tell you what he does. Whenever he goes home to the Philippines, he is always ready to give away everything he has, to his wife’s dismay (no, he hasn’t given her away.) He has a lot of friends and relatives back home who are always waiting, ready to strip him clean when he comes.

Dimples has always been generous. He, too, was under the tutelage of Mrs. H, who instilled in us the importance of service and giving. Even as a youth leader and with nothing much in terms of material things to give, Dimples gave of himself generously. We were in the same exchange program in 1975 and traveled in Canada together. To us, he was this big brother, leading us and helping us when we need assistance. (To others, he was this big flirt we dubbed “Chancing Casanova.” That’s his other generous side)

Dimples entered the military service when he came to the US and was injured on the job a few times. He did not see combat action but he traveled the world and witnessed things not easy to make sense of. It was not a surprise that when we caught up with each other again in the mid-80’s he was working as a social worker at the Veteran’s Hospital. He had the heart, and had always been good at calming people down.

He took his family back to the Philippines because life was better and simpler there, and they could live comfortably with less stress. He also wanted to go back to school and continue his interrupted pursuit of Veterinary Medicine. He still had enough GI bill grant that could support that. His family settled in Morong, where his wife Vilma is from, opened a restaurant with a captive market. He rented an apartment in the city where he stayed when he was attending classes at the university.

He laughed as he related to me how bad he was as an older student. How his classmates called him “Tatang” (literally – father, but also used to refer to an old man) and how he was older than the dean. His fraternity, Alpha Phi Omega (APO) is one of the oldest, biggest, and most influential fraternities in the Philippines and all over the world. Alpha Phi Omega International Service Fraternity is a collegiate service organization based on the principles of scouting movement and its primary goal is to provide humanitarian services. As one of the APO “elders” at Araneta University, even the faculty members deferred to him.

He spoke of how he would have these young bucks do his homeworks for him, of how they would always end up in his apartment where they ate his food and used his things. He fed them, inspired them and taught them things they would not learn in school.

Many times Dimples would visit his hometown of Baras fully clothed and later come home to Morong in flip-flops and old shirts or shorts. He believes is it not easy to ask for something from someone. There is some humility involved there. Asking for his shirt, or shoes, or anything he wears is something his friends and relatives do, because for the most part, they need them, but could not afford to buy them.

In some cases, he thinks a person who asks for something just wants something that belonged to you to remember you by. He has this well-off friend who visited with him after has given away almost everything that he had from the States. Dimples ended up giving his friend his underwear!

In September last year, we had a mini-reunion in Las Vegas. Emmie flew in from Switzerland and met up with Toti, Nennette and me. Together we drove to Las Vegas where Dimples was already waiting for us. We rekindled old friendships, updated each other with current family situations and just literally picked up where we left off.

Having dinner at Ceasar’s Palace at 2:30 AM and staying up until 5:00 AM is something none of us have done for a long time. There is a lifetime between our teens and now. We spoke of children in college, spouses to answer to and a whole new lifestyle that was very different from the one we shared that magical time in 1975 in Canada.

Dimples made our reunion special with stories he shared with us and the Magic Karaoke he brought with him. Never mind that he was off-key at times. What’s a little broken ear-drum among friends, huh? We sung, we gambled, watched a show, ate and just became the same old folks we were 30 years ago, only older. Again, Dimples was this big brother - this time, teaching us how to play roulette, making sure we were comfortable and that everyone was having fun. Of course, he and Toti had a date with Remy (Martin, their favorite cognac) too. We didn’t mind. We were all there reminiscing together and Remy kept Dimples and Toti livelier.

Generosity is a gift that comes from the heart. Dimples has always been a generous person to a lot of people because he just is. You know how people we allow to be part of our lives affect us, either in a good or a bad way?

I am lucky Dimples is part of my life because he influences me in a good way.

The Hand That Holds You

Have you ever paid attention when someone holds your hand? There is something about the warmth of a touch, the firm grip of that squeeze that tells you there is a friend next to you.

Situations and scenarios may differ, but the purpose and the effect are almost always universal when holding someone’s hand. We touch someone to express our emotions, to make them feel what words can’t fully describe.

By touching someone’s hand, we are able to let them know they are not alone, that we feel their pain, we understand, we are there, we care.

My favorite touch is a trusting grip of little hands on my fingers. Nothing could be more pure than that. A child holds on to us with complete confidence and the warmth of our touch assure them that we are not going to let anything bad happen to them.

I was in church today and helped this lady about something. When she came back, the first thing she did was hold my hand – a way of saying thank you without a word being spoken. I squeezed her hand back to say it’s my pleasure, and we held hands for a few more minutes, and felt really connected in our hearts. This woman is not a friend, just an acquaintance, and yet at that moment, we could have been the very best of friends. And all it took is holding each other’s hands.

How often do we reach out to someone? How often do we show we care? How often do we allow ourselves to think of others first? Extending our hands to another is an act of kindness, an act of selflessness. Sometimes the people we extend our hands to refuse them. It maybe because the hands that they held on to before has led them astray and they are scared of holding someone’s hand again, that they are scared to trust again. But, should we take our hand back?

We hold on to someone because they make us feel secured. They comfort us. They calm us down. They make us feel at ease, no matter how chaotic everything else is around us.

Look at the face of the hand that holds you. You will see LOVE.