Ang Buhay ay May Layunin (Life has a Purpose)

I was 16 when I first heard her message. It was a morning inspirational read by the youth worker who organized our group. We listened, but we did not really "hear". We were too young, the concepts were too complex, and our minds were full of teenage concerns.

Elo, as we fondly called her (Mrs. Consuelo A. Herrera), was past president of the Philippine Social Worker's Association and Philippine YWCA. She was past Executive Director of Philippine Youth Welfare Council and when we met, she was the Executive Director of the Rizal Youth Development Foundation (RYDF)- the agency that together with the Province of Rizal, would in time, send me to Canada.

As a 16-year-old, I had other priorities. Fresh from high school graduation, my goal was to go to college - but that required working in a factory so I could afford to take night classes at the university. Although I had been a member of the APKA youth group,(the model for Kabataang Baranggay) I did not have nor was interested in any leadership role. That was Ate Lodi's (my elder sister) job. The closest I got to leadership then was writing my sister's speeches.

I did not learn about the scholarship being offered to APKA members until after the other youth leaders they sent from our town failed to qualify for interviews. Finally, the social worker asked my sister to take the written test. Somehow, I ended up going instead of her. I took the three-hour test, passed it and then found myself being interviewed by a panel of people headed by this lady in a white dress with very kind face and a warm smile. I've seen her in the youth rally I attended a couple of years back. I remember being told she was the head of RYDF. She always wore a white dress that's why it was easy to remember.

The interview went well and in a week, the ecstatic social worker came to our house with a letter informing me that I made the cut and I was to attend training and preparation. I got the scholarship. I was going to Canada.

Then I heard it again. "Life Has a Purpose". This time, I heard past the words. I actually started to understand some of the contexts. "Life Has a Purpose" was the blueprint of what Elo believed in. In it, she spelled out theories that were foreign to me - she introduced me to Pierre Teilhard de Chardin, the Jesuit priest whose ideas she embraced and passed on to us. His take on evolution from a single cell to a complex being - the fusion of the scientific and the holy - all based on the consciousness that is God and the love God has for us. This thesis seems to be in direct contrast of the concept of creation and the original sin and was therefore vigorously contradicted by the Holy See. (His book The Phenomenon of Man (Le Phénomène Humain, 1955) was shunned by the Catholic Church in the 50s, but Pope Paul II and Pope Benedict XVI both have expressed positive attitude towards some of Chardin's ideas.)

Elo explained how through the development of his consciousness, man surpassed all other species. I remember how it clicked on my mind when she mentioned how man did not grow wings, but he learned how to fly (airplanes, balloons,etc); how he did not grow additional feet but could travel faster than a team of horses (cars, locomotives, etc.); how he did not grow additional hands and arms but could do the work of as many arms and hands through inventions of appliances and other creations of comfort; his head did not get bigger but through computers, he is able to analyze complex mathematical theories and applications and store more information than he could ever dream of. Evolution for other species stopped when their bodies were formed. Evolution for man did not stop when he learned to walk upright. It continues through his consciousness, to this day.

"Life Has a Purpose". She explained how small we are, as compared to the universe in which we belong. How we are nothing but a small dot in the galaxy of stars and other heavenly bodies, and yet, in our smallness, we have a purpose. God has a purpose for us - and that purpose is to love.

The concept of love that she espoused even then was quite revolutionary. She (and Chardin) explained how we as human beings are enriched by our contact with another human being; how through love, in its purest sense, man is able to continue to grow in consciousness. Imagine how your life would be different if you did not meet the people who have influenced you, for the good (to emulate and for inspiration) or for the bad (to avoid). Our encounters with fellow human beings are what enable us to grow, in our consciousness, in our hearts.

Man's purpose is to love one another - and with that love comes the solutions to all the ills of the world. Through love, man could learn to share. Through love, man could learn for forgive. Through love, man could fulfill his destiny. Through love, the world could see Christ in us.

The problem is, we love ourselves more and we do not know when to stop wanting and when to start sharing.

But here is why I am writing about it. I have since discovered something: life is empty without a purpose. One could amass so much wealth, power, fame, skills and knowledge to serve and satisfy one's self and ego. If one's purpose is for self aggrandizement, it could be claimed that the purpose had been achieved. However, in the midst of what may look like a success, happiness remains hallow, emptiness still lurks. One's purpose is still unfulfilled.

I may have not have been aware of it, but I am constant in search for a greater purpose in everything I do, in the choices I make, in the situations I find myself in. Elo has penetrated my consciousness and I didn't even notice.

"Life Has a Purpose". That purpose is to love. Love is you, love is me, in the flesh.

Tomorrow is my birthday. I started blogging five years ago when I decided I wanted to share my thoughts - the profound and the mundane - with folks I care about.

I take you with me in my journey, because I love you. You are part of my purpose in life.

Emilia - Part 1

Tia Miling (Emilia) turned 81 last Thursday, June 30th. Together with five of her seven children, Lita and I celebrated her birthday - and she had a blast. She stayed up past her bedtime and had the food she loves and treats she normally could not have due to her medical condition. Late into the evening, she blew the candles from her birthday cake. Her smile was wide, her eyes sparkled, oh, she was happy! I slept in the spare bed in her bedroom and we talked past midnight until we both fell asleep. It was such a wonderful day.

I visit Tia Miling at least twice a year - and I drop by every opportunity I get when I go to San Francisco or San Jose, or have visitors from out of town who would like to see her. I love visiting with Tia Miling and her family. They are all so warm and loving and welcoming, and oh, so family....

In early December 2009, I made a trip that I thought would be the last that I would see of her. She had a stroke-like seizure that left her dazed and unresponsive. They put her on medications that her body could not tolerate and worsened her condition. My cousins called me when it happened and I was in touch with them getting a daily update. On the fourth day after her seizure, Elena called and she laid it on me - her mom was getting worse, would not open her eyes, eat nor respond to anything. It may be time to come and say goodbye. We were both crying on the phone and I told her I was coming the following day. I booked a flight to San Jose, rented a car and drove to Monterey Community Hospital.

When I got there at about 11am, - her three daughters - Terry, Elena and Elba were there. They told me she was miraculously doing good that morning. She opened her eyes and she was able to eat, albeit, a little. She still did not recognize some of them and she garbled her words, but something was different in a good way. I kissed her on the forehead as I always did, called her name - "Tia" - and she opened her eyes and smiled at me. I told her to squeeze my hand if she recognized me and she did. I asked her who I was and she whispered my name. I talked to her in Tagalog. I whispered songs to her ear and I talked her about coming back to us and not giving up. I talked about great-grandchildren she has yet to meet and see and watch grow up - and how they would be cheated if she was gone; about her children and grandchildren needing their mother and grandmother; and me, her favorite niece, who is as lovely as her aunt - who would be devastated if she gave up. She gave a weak laugh and squeezed my hand some more.

I joked with her - even some dirty ones - just to get her to react - and she did. She actually did converse with us - although often, she would just be garbling unrecognizable words. But then, she would suddenly speak complete sentences or even swear in Tagalog that made us all laugh - including her. That day, she was in a much improved state and in higher spirits. She was there and she was engaged - unlike the ghost in my aunt's body who was there the previous days. After a while she got tired and fell asleep and so I just kissed her again before I left. My cousins and Mike, Elena's husband (and one of my favorite in-laws) said Tia always responded to me and always perked up when I was around - and it was more true that day, they said.

As I drove back to the San Jose Airport that evening, I found myself crying. This was not the same woman I have known all my life - my Tia Miling who I called "hagibis" for she always moved as fast as a lighting - and now reduced to skin and bones. When I got home late that night, I cried so hard and let it all out. It was like crying for my own mother. That's what she had been to me since Nanay died in 1988. Although she is only Nanay's first cousin, their resemblance is uncanny and my love for them, and their love for me - overwhelming.

Her condition improved after that day. My cousin Elena had spoken to the doctors about cutting down on her medications - especially the pain killers and the antibiotics. Elena is a registered nurse and has worked in that hospital for over 30 years. She constantly discussed her mother's prognosis with the doctors and they listened to her. It only got better from there. Tia Miling started to eat, was cooperative with her physical therapists and would walk around the hospital. Eventually, they were able to move her into a convalescent facility in Pacific Grove - the same place where I spent Christmas Eve of 2009 - listening to the breathing of two afflicted women - my aunt and Patsy, her roommate.

The convalescent facility where Tia Miling was confined was carefully chosen by her daughters. Terry, Elena, Juanito and Elba and their nephew Tino, (who all lived in Seaside/Monterey area) made sure that someone was always with her - even though there were professional care-givers and nurses there. They would check what medications were given her, when and how much. Her two other sons Jason and Jeremy who lived in San Luis Obispo and San Jose, and her grandchildren from out of town would also come and help whenever they could. But it was mostly Terry and Elena who have devoted almost 100% of their time to their mother, while Elba made sure she relieved her sisters after work, and Tino was a big help, too.

That Christmas Eve, I told them it was their break - and my turn to be with my aunt and so they went home and had a little rest. That night also, I understood better the sacrifices of my cousins for their mother.