If Only.....

How many times have we heard people say "if only...." as if everything depended on it? How many times have we, ourselves, used the same expression to mask our shortcomings?

If only I had more time. If only I were taller or thinner or smarter. If only I were stronger or faster or younger or older. If only I were a different gender. If only I was born rich. If only I can speak better. If only I was more graceful...if only...if only...

"If only" is wishful thinking people often use as an excuse. "If only" makes us wallow in self pity - it leads us to unrealistic scenarios and makes us feel worse than we already do. We cannot live a life based on this premise. We need to face our own reality and deal with it, head on. We have to own up and play the cards we are given. We should not be looking at the other side of the fence and wishing "if only I were there" thereby ignoring where we actually are and missing out on what could have been because we were focused somewhere else - then we say "If only I paid more attention..."

Mother Theresa believed that God will not give us a load we cannot carry. Although she may have later that said she wished God did not trust her so much, she dealt with and carried all the burdens she was given with everything she can muster, up till the end - and look at what she has accomplished!

How do we deal with our own reality?

We were poor but our parents encouraged us to go for higher education. My brothers all supported themselves through college but the two older girls were assisted by Nanay's little store and Tatay's farming. I was the only girl in the family who could not go to college immediately after high school. My timing was off. My older sister was in her last year in college and my father's landlord sold the farm to the developers so there was no more farming - the source of tuition money. I was sad, but I did the next best thing - I did odd jobs until I eventually found a permanent job in the factory. At 16, I learned how to operate the industrial sewing machine - a skill that is still useful to this day. I hated the job and I was better at helping organize the union, writing petitions, advocating for a newsletter and entertaining during company parties than meeting my quota at work. But I cherish the time I spent there for it enabled me to go back to school, make a lot of friends and develop my self-esteem. I did not have the time to feel sorry for myself as I was too busy finding ways to make my situation better - and life did get better.

The thing is, I am thankful for all the difficulties I have experienced. It has made a better person out of me. It instilled in me the virtues my mother spoke of and lived by - hard work, resilience, patience, prudence, respect and trust that God provides the rest. He did, and still does.

Now, if only I could stop blabbering. But that's another blog.