Unconditional
Unconditional. adj. not conditional or limited; absolute, unqualified – surrender
I love giving things, even those that I really, really like. But I guess that’s what unconditional means. You give, even if it hurts. You learn to let go, even with the sting in your heart. That’s unconditional.
I love hats. I do not buy them often and I do not wear them as often but I have quite a few. There is this really nice hat that I so loved. As soon as I got home after I bought it, I wore it, even as I was only doing chores around the house. Never mind that Lita was laughing at me whenever she saw me with that hat on. I liked it so much that I wore it until I had to remove it that evening before going to bed.
A few weeks ago, I gave it away to a friend. She really did not ask for it. We were going to the beach and so we figured we should wear hats. I handed her this new hat to wear. She was hesitant to take it as she and hats were not really on friendly terms. She has never met a hat that agreed with her, until this one. She tried it on and it looked wonderful on her. Seeing the glow in her smile and the satisfaction in her face at finally finding a hat that “fit” her, I told her it’s hers. There was this little pain in my heart because I loved it, too, but I have other hats. This is the one hat that she liked. I figured it best for her to have it. It felt good because I gave something I really, really liked without expecting anything in return. That was unconditional.
Years ago, I had this really nice blazer. I loved it because I looked good in it. Everyone knew it was my favorite blazer. One day at my friend’s house, her mother whom I also loved, hinted that she liked the blazer. To everyone’s surprise (including myself), I took the blazer off and gave it to her. My friend’s mouth dropped as I handed it to her mother and helped her into it. There was this gnawing, faint pain inside me as I was doing that but still, I felt good in giving it away. It was just a thing. The happiness on that old lady’s face was priceless. That was unconditional.
On Thanksgiving and on Christmas Day last year, Lita and I cooked some chicken soup, prepared some sandwiches, filled containers with the soup and scanned the San Fernando Valley to find homeless people and gave them this one meal. This one homeless man we found in the bus stop asked if he could kiss us to thank us. We said yes and he gently gave us a kiss on the cheek each. We both cried after we left him. That was unconditional.
I am not a model for generosity. ( I just had a little bit more practice of it.) I have my share of selfishness. There are things and people I stupidly cling on to. It is human nature to want things, to “possess” friends, family, lovers and hold on to them firmly, not wanting to let go, scared that if we loosen our grip, they would slip away.
We impose conditions. If I love you, you MUST love me back. If you live under my roof, you MUST follow everything I say. If I give you this, you MUST give me that. We prefer even exchange. We attach many “ifs” – many conditions. In most situations, our question is “what’s in it for me?”
But we all have moments when we are able to overpower that selfishness with compassion; our self-absorption with empathy and love for a fellow human being. We surprise ourselves when it happens, but they do happen and we have to seize the moment when it does. If we allow ourselves to be generous and to give unconditionally or love unconditionally often enough, then we learn to let go and loosen our grip on the “ifs”. Because when we get there, we realize that the joy is beyond words, the moment takes our breath away and the satisfaction is exhilarating.
That is unconditional.
I love giving things, even those that I really, really like. But I guess that’s what unconditional means. You give, even if it hurts. You learn to let go, even with the sting in your heart. That’s unconditional.
I love hats. I do not buy them often and I do not wear them as often but I have quite a few. There is this really nice hat that I so loved. As soon as I got home after I bought it, I wore it, even as I was only doing chores around the house. Never mind that Lita was laughing at me whenever she saw me with that hat on. I liked it so much that I wore it until I had to remove it that evening before going to bed.
A few weeks ago, I gave it away to a friend. She really did not ask for it. We were going to the beach and so we figured we should wear hats. I handed her this new hat to wear. She was hesitant to take it as she and hats were not really on friendly terms. She has never met a hat that agreed with her, until this one. She tried it on and it looked wonderful on her. Seeing the glow in her smile and the satisfaction in her face at finally finding a hat that “fit” her, I told her it’s hers. There was this little pain in my heart because I loved it, too, but I have other hats. This is the one hat that she liked. I figured it best for her to have it. It felt good because I gave something I really, really liked without expecting anything in return. That was unconditional.
Years ago, I had this really nice blazer. I loved it because I looked good in it. Everyone knew it was my favorite blazer. One day at my friend’s house, her mother whom I also loved, hinted that she liked the blazer. To everyone’s surprise (including myself), I took the blazer off and gave it to her. My friend’s mouth dropped as I handed it to her mother and helped her into it. There was this gnawing, faint pain inside me as I was doing that but still, I felt good in giving it away. It was just a thing. The happiness on that old lady’s face was priceless. That was unconditional.
On Thanksgiving and on Christmas Day last year, Lita and I cooked some chicken soup, prepared some sandwiches, filled containers with the soup and scanned the San Fernando Valley to find homeless people and gave them this one meal. This one homeless man we found in the bus stop asked if he could kiss us to thank us. We said yes and he gently gave us a kiss on the cheek each. We both cried after we left him. That was unconditional.
I am not a model for generosity. ( I just had a little bit more practice of it.) I have my share of selfishness. There are things and people I stupidly cling on to. It is human nature to want things, to “possess” friends, family, lovers and hold on to them firmly, not wanting to let go, scared that if we loosen our grip, they would slip away.
We impose conditions. If I love you, you MUST love me back. If you live under my roof, you MUST follow everything I say. If I give you this, you MUST give me that. We prefer even exchange. We attach many “ifs” – many conditions. In most situations, our question is “what’s in it for me?”
But we all have moments when we are able to overpower that selfishness with compassion; our self-absorption with empathy and love for a fellow human being. We surprise ourselves when it happens, but they do happen and we have to seize the moment when it does. If we allow ourselves to be generous and to give unconditionally or love unconditionally often enough, then we learn to let go and loosen our grip on the “ifs”. Because when we get there, we realize that the joy is beyond words, the moment takes our breath away and the satisfaction is exhilarating.
That is unconditional.
posted by PHLOR TORREJOS at 7:45 AM
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